Despised by friends and enemies alike, Nicholas Herlinger is a real piece of shit. You may not realize it at first glance, but upon getting to know him you’ll realize that you were far better off before this self-obsessed and arrogant moron stumbled his way into your life. Raised by raccoons in a pathetic approximation of the founding of Rome, Nicholas grew up raiding garbage cans by night and harassing local businesses by day.

If you encounter Nicholas in the wild, don’t panic. Instead, calmly spray him with bear mace or beat him mercilessly with an extendable baton. Do not engage him in conversation. Do not look him in the eyes. Above all else, whatever you do, do not treat him like a human being worthy of respect. He really hates that.

Nicholas lives in the Greater Toronto Area with his cat Comrade Vladimir Binkovsky, his house plant Horatio Jefferson, and an unyielding desire for the universe to be consumed in nuclear fire.